Much psychological theory has been developed based on the idea that many of the problems we have live in our minds. People develop amazing sets of beliefs about themselves as they grow up. Unfortunately, many of the people I work with believe some pretty negative and sometimes nasty things about themselves. These beliefs often keep people pretty stuck.
My favorite example is of this red-headed freckle-faced kid I knew when I was growing up. He, like all good kids, played Little League baseball. He started off in right field, aka the Place of Banishment, but with a couple years experience and some practice, moved his way into the infield playing first and second base. This lad, let's call him Sparky, could put the ball all over the field when he was taking batting practice. His very first at-bat of his career, he faced the fastest pitcher in the league. Not only that, this guy threw side-armed, creating a natural curve ball. Sparky, not knowing any better, swung at the second pitch and lo and behold, out into the gap in right-center it went for a bases-clearing double. The crowd went wild! Sparky never got another hit in the next 3 years that he played.
Sparky developed some mistaken beliefs. First of all, he was deathly afraid of striking out. This, in his mind, was the worst form of failure. Pitching in Little League isn't that good, so to get 3 strikes before you get 4 balls is somewhat rare. Secondly, he just wanted to get on base. What's the best way to get on base? Right! Get a walk. Which he did, quite often. The coach and the crowd would yell "Good eye! Good eye!" It wasn't a good eye. He was scared. Scared of "failing" by striking out.
Babe Ruth hit 714 home runs. This is his claim to fame. He also struck out 1330 times. This was fueled on beer and hot dogs, not steroids. My interpretation is that the Babe swung for the fences. He wasn't afraid of "failing" in the same way our little Sparky was.
Here's what Sparky needed. He needed a coach to sit him down, look him straight in the eye and say, with a little spittle on the corner of his lip, "Son, I'm tired of you walking all the damn time. [Before the age of political correctness, coaches could cuss.] I want you to go up there and swing the bat. I don't care if you strike out. The important thing is to swing. If you don't swing at a good pitch, you're running laps." You may think this is a bit harsh, but remember, Sparky knocked the ball all over the place in practice. The problem was definitely in his head.
The solution, however, was in his body. He wasn't going to think or analyze this problem until it was solved. The only way was to take a swing. His fear kept him from having fun. It also kept the faulty beliefs intact. "I can't hit the ball in a real game."
In my office, we explore problems from lots of different angles. There are a number of different types of questions that help in this exploration. "When did you first start believing that or behaving that way? What was the purpose? What do you think caused this belief?"
Although the answers can be illuminating, they often do not lead to changes. Why? Pop psychology has tricked us into believing that if we can just come up with answers to some of these questions or get the right insight, the problems are solved. Now before you turn me into the Psychology Police, I am not minimizing the usefulness of insight. Without it, it can be hard to change. However, insight only gets you so far. If you want to get moving, the rubber has to meet the road, and begin rolling.
Most of us learn much more by doing than by thinking. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of thinking. What I'm talking about is getting stuck in your head. While the human mind is an amazing thing, it can be a scary place. Stuff can bounce around inside of there and take on a life of its own. It can get warped the more it bounces. Instead, we need real experiences to develop our skills, beliefs, values, and abilities. While it's helpful for me to imagine myself being a great free-throw shooter, until I get into the driveway and shoot a bunch of them, I won't get much better.
I believe that our minds work in similar ways. It is good to think about things and to plan, but until the plans and thoughts become action, we are limiting ourselves in what we can learn. So, while the problem may be in your head, the solution is in action. To quote a person I worked with who definitely got this concept, you have to "Do the Doing."
